[23 Sep 2006|01:26pm] This livejournal doesn't have anything in it but melancholic self pity so I made a new one.  h_faust 1 comment|post comment

[23 Sep 2006|11:14am] So I am reminded of things I'd forgotten, The way doors can open and people just walk in. It's not unexpected, no, it's just how you planned it. Beginning to think that it might never happen... Well now it is happening. post comment

[22 Sep 2006|04:23pm] I'll give it another two months.. three maybe. At which point, drastic action must be taken. post comment

[22 Sep 2006|12:55pm] August 8th I assure you, dear William, that I did not mean you when I took those men to task who demand from us resignation to an unavoidable fate. It never occurred to me that you might be of the same opinion. And actually, you are right. But, my good friend, in this world things can be settled with an either-or attitude only very rarely. FEelings and behaviour overshadow each other with an effect as varied as the difference between hawk- and pug-nose. So you won't be offended with me, I hope, if I concede your entire argument and try to squeeze through between the either and the or! You say that I must "either" have hope of winning Lotte "or" I must have none. Very well. I n the first case I am to try to grasp the fulfillment of my wish and make my hopes come true; in the second I am to pull myself together and try to rid myself of this miserable emotion that must in the utterly debilitate me. Dear William, you put it so well, and it is easily advised. But can you demand of an unfortunate who is dying by inches of an insidious disease that he should end his misery with one knife thrust? Wouldn't you rather say the his misfortune weakens him to such an extent that it must rob him also of the courage to rid himself of it? Of course, you might reply with an appropriate parable: would would not rather sacrifice his right arm than lose his life through hesitation and despair? I don't know. And don't let us settle it with parables. Enough! Yes, William, sometimes I do have moments of surging courage to shake it all off, and then... if only I knew whither... probably I would go. Evening Today I came across my diary. I haven't written in it for some time, and I was astonished to see how I got into all this, step by step, with my eyes wide open; how clearly I saw the whole thing and my condition, yet dealt with it like a child. I see just as clearly today and note no improvement. post comment

[22 Sep 2006|12:47pm] May 9th So now, here I am at the Prince's hunting lodge. Life with him is pleasant, and we get along well. He is honest and simple and surrounded by very odd people I can not even begin to understand! They don't seem to be rogues, but they don't strike me as being honest, either. Sometimes I feel they are sincere, still, I can't trust them. Another thing I regret is that he speaks often of things he has only heard or read about, and then from the other person's point of view, and he seems to value my mind and my various talents more than this heart of mine, of which I am so proud, for it is the source of all things - all strength, all bliss, all misery. The things I know, every man can know, but, oh, my heart is mine alone! post comment

[19 Sep 2006|07:07pm] There's endless entertainment in thinking the world is gonna end, and I've lived some nights convinced of it but I keep waking up again, 2 comments|post comment

[11 Aug 2006|10:01pm] I just bought a shirt. Not so much because I liked it, more so because I was hungry and it smelt delicious. post comment

[06 Aug 2006|06:12pm] [ music | bright eyes - solid jackson. ] man, bright eyes fans really piss me off. 4 comments|post comment

[29 Jul 2006|06:30pm] no matter where in life your travels may take you.... you will always see black men walking down the street carrying television sets. 1 comment|post comment

[23 Jul 2006|01:00am] yep. 3 comments|post comment

[18 Jul 2006|04:53am] I have truly impeccable timing 1 comment|post comment

[17 Jul 2006|03:56am] Now the road is rocky, but it won't be rocky long, No Lord. The road is rocky, but it won't be rocky long. post comment

[14 Jul 2006|03:38am] God damn. post comment

[23 Jun 2006|04:03am] hi-diddle-dee-dee, god damn, the pirate's life fgor me. post comment

[13 Jun 2006|06:42pm] It seems that Lady Luck is not a fickle mistress, after all. post comment

[02 Jun 2006|12:54am] [ music | daniel johnston - keep punching joe ] I tell you, my soul is like running water: hot or cold, now one or the other. I guess I lean towards the excessive, but that's just the way it is when you're a manic depressive. post comment

[30 Apr 2006|09:14pm] I just wanted to provide for you. post comment

WE'RE NOT GONNA DIE. [13 Apr 2006|09:02pm] IF you were really cool, you'd read this entire website. http://awilkeskrier.homestead.com/ but you're probabably not. ***edit2 the person who runs the website is sort of an idiot, but that doesn't detract from any of the events that happened. **edit since only maybe two people will read more than 30% of that website, at least read this, and then maybe (probably not) you'll see.. http://www.jaybabcock.com/andrewtrans.html it is a nice perspective, he has. ( & ) 3 comments|post comment

[19 Feb 2006|07:35pm] ( I don't even know what to say about this, except that it is really, really long. ) 2 comments|post comment

[18 Feb 2006|03:49pm] Well maybe I forgot a couple things; it doesn't mean I don't remember how it feels. post comment

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